I feel the fight of survival,
A panic, a switch, a black out…
Back and forth opposites extremes.
I’m not two faced, I’m just confused,
Spasmodic frequencies leave me
Disconnected, broken up, it’s only feelings,
Lighten up, darken down,
I feel them both, a clashing pair.
I forget just who I am and where I’m at,
Because sometimes I feel the fight of survival
I have to remind myself that we’re not rivals.
Today feels out of ordinary,
Different, today feels not the same.
I have dug down deep inside,
It’s not my first time playing this game.
I have pulled out splintered bones,
Thrown out dreams and withered hopes.
I have choked on lies that aren’t mine,
On glittered hearts, and candied eyes.
I have swallowed terrifying truths,
Icy winds, and heartbreak too.
But I keep breathing life in breaths,
[Exhale] Out with the old,
[Inhale] In with the new.
I heard we must heal to grow,
But I feel stunted by the pain.
How can I expand,
When I keep pulling myself inside?
How do I improve,
When I just want to hide?
I hear the voice of reason,
Like a mouse that tries to shout.
Still, it’s difficult to really listen,
As my mind is yelling,
“Let me out!”
I fall down while standing up.
My mind runs while sitting down.
I spin too fast when I hold still.
Motionless, My heart stops,
I feel the world spin around,
A full circle.
Don’t go into the night carrying yellow roses,
Thick thorns pressed between finger tips
Like sharp shards of broken glass.
The pale blues of bruising lay within your skin,
A darkened sanctuary, a blanketed home of sadness.
Caress your wounds with patient hands,
Holding your sorrows, yellow petals fall at your feet.
Burning eyes, tears tell truth not lies.
Truth dripping, tragic stories like biting rain,
Beating heart like thunder in midnights sky.
I run around here,
My head cut off, my sides raw,
I want to hold hands with happiness,
Eagerly but with open palms.
I want to let go the way birds fly away,
Graceful and sure of the next adventure.
I want to take in black and white as one,
The same but beautifully different.
I want to speak out,
The way flowers flash bright colors.
I want my desires to be planted seeds,
Growing in rich soil I water day and night.
I want to breathe in life deeply,
Taking in all the colors of earths auras.
I want to hold hands with happiness
And walk into the eye of the sun.