I feel the fight of survival,
A panic, a switch, a black out…
Back and forth opposites extremes.
I’m not two faced, I’m just confused,
Spasmodic frequencies leave me
Disconnected, broken up, it’s only feelings,
Lighten up, darken down,
I feel them both, a clashing pair.
I forget just who I am and where I’m at,
Because sometimes I feel the fight of survival
I have to remind myself that we’re not rivals.
Today feels out of ordinary,
Different, today feels not the same.
I have dug down deep inside,
It’s not my first time playing this game.
I have pulled out splintered bones,
Thrown out dreams and withered hopes.
I have choked on lies that aren’t mine,
On glittered hearts, and candied eyes.
I have swallowed terrifying truths,
Icy winds, and heartbreak too.
But I keep breathing life in breaths,
[Exhale] Out with the old,
[Inhale] In with the new.
I heard we must heal to grow,
But I feel stunted by the pain.
How can I expand,
When I keep pulling myself inside?
How do I improve,
When I just want to hide?
I hear the voice of reason,
Like a mouse that tries to shout.
Still, it’s difficult to really listen,
As my mind is yelling,
“Let me out!”