Future🌎❤️🙌

I grew up thinking
Freedom meant free,
But now I am older
And that’s not what I see.
I see people who think they know best,
Telling us all what to do
And so much more, never nothing less.
So I cover my ears,
Block conservative spears
Thrown from old, privileged folks
Too good for calm tokes.
But… I’m young so I’ll wait,
In the world the old made,
Planting trees that you killed,
Cleaning oceans you filled,
Building up women you beat down,
Taking back rights.
I’ll fight for love (the freedom to choose)
May it always win
Controlling others is the only sin.



a.l.c

***The future is… Freedom, Love, Female, Vibrant, Unconditional, Choice, Open Minded, Accepting, Green, Without Violence, Now, WHATEVER YOU WANT.

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The old oak

I still ache at thoughts
Kept to myself,
How the longing of
Connection
Makes me feel
L o n e l y.


a.l.c

Under the blue roses 💙🥀🤫

Dont say those words
That pierce my heart,
That sting my eyes
With forced cowards lies.
I hear punches in the silent sounds
Of the haunted conversations,
In lost ghost towns.
And while flowers bloom,
Their roots may rot,
Way deep in the soil,
Where our hearts are caught.


a.l.c

**Where do thoughts/things go when we don’t talk about them?💭😶 Perhaps underground, with seeds we once planted?… 🌱🌹🌻🌷

Psychogenic Aphonia🧠😶

A build up of courage
I worked hard to grow,
On the tip of my tongue,
As far as my words go.
This silence is boring now
With all of this sound…
I feel disconnected
As I see you frown.
I promise I’m trying,
Behind cowards lips,
I have so much to say
With silent fingertips.
A throat full of chaos
Only wanting to be shared,
A heart with happy secrets
I want to say but I’m scared.
I think you might listen,
If only I could talk,
Then we could have a conversation,
Instead of quiet thoughts.



a.l.c

*
**
***Psychogenic Aphonia is only being used as a title for this piece. While it fits perfectly for the emotion I meant to convey, it is an actual voice disorder… an interesting one that I found myself suddenly researching for no other reason than curiosity🧐. Psychogenic aphonia is a voice disorder where psychological/emotional factors or difficulties (anxiety, depression, fear, traumatic events, not “speaking up,” etc.) cause sudden and significant negative changes in voice quality(dysphonia), and can even extend to complete voice loss (aphonia). I read that on the internet💁‍♀️ (https://web.nmsu.edu/~lleeper/pages/Voice/nelson/information.html) <—one of the pages I stumbled on that was easier to understand.

Hard truth

A lie that lives
Between two sighs,
It’s not much,
Except to you
and I.
While you say
That you will try,
My mouth smiles,
As my heart cries.

I know to you,
It’s never a lie…
but we both know,
Looking eye to eye,
Only a sad secret
Between you
and I.

a.l.c

(IG- pouringtruth)

Trust

A soft trail of sweet nothings,
Just things we barely said.
A flower bed of somethings,
Only things we sort of did.
Behind a lens blurred out
Like stars,
We kiss on foreheads,
Before showing our scars.

a.l.c

Self-serving

I call you out,
Another guilt filled line…
For us both.
Between clenched teeth
Lies surface upon chapped lips,
Still sealed with regret
Neither of us should have.

a.l.c

Repression

Alone again, I find myself
With thoughts I’m shy to say.
I am weakened by fantasies of us
And my body whines and begs.
Why am I embarrassed,
Cursed with woman shame??
I’m the only one that knows
When my mind plays this game.
Still I turn red to think the words
My lips burn hot to say,
So I am wounded by unmet needs,
Bruised, heavy with body’s heartbreak.

a.l.c

***All creatures are born as sexual beings, it is only societal shame that makes us think it is not normal, not acceptable. This is especially true for women as most have been taught/told from a young age even how to sit “appropriately”, while boys get to sit however. (Though there is sexual shame surrounding men/masculinity as well.) From a young age we watch our own mothers, grandmothers, aunts, teachers go about their lives worrying how their actions and behaviors might “tease” men or be judged as “wrong” by other women. If we want to be seen/treated as equal, it needs to be in all areas… including ones that are difficult, embarrassing, or considered taboo to talk about. Desire and sexuality are only human, in men and women.

Inarticulate

Another question put away for later
Only left to turn rancid behind cowards teeth,
Or an over protected heart.
A choice made to stay happy
In a clouded mind seems content
Through blind eyes,
And these hurtful answers
Seem nonexistent to deafened ears
When they may have never heard them,
While these thoughts live on as ghosts
As a scar on a slit tongue.

a.l.c

Hit and miss

Our communication leaves me
Covered in yellow bruises
Left by your attempts
To understand,
And you
Covered in red and grey dust
Splatters of my attempts
To explain myself.

a.l.c

I hope it’s you

I know one day all the things I keep inside will finally come out. I’ll be stumbling around trying to find someplace safe to put it and lock it up tight and I’ll trip face first over the mess I’ve made… I hope you catch me though. I hope you catch all of me. The tears and the secrets, the good and the bad will spill out and splatter, using our love as it’s drop mat. One day I will explode with pieces of my past and I hope you piece me back together like a puzzle you stay up late with. I hope you glue me back together with the same kisses you press on my skin after we make love. I want you to be the one to mend the parts that still hurt and to love the parts that have not been loved. I want you to be the one that knows all of me, but still falls more in love with me everyday.

a.l.c