Future🌎❤️🙌

I grew up thinking
Freedom meant free,
But now I am older
And that’s not what I see.
I see people who think they know best,
Telling us all what to do
And so much more, never nothing less.
So I cover my ears,
Block conservative spears
Thrown from old, privileged folks
Too good for calm tokes.
But… I’m young so I’ll wait,
In the world the old made,
Planting trees that you killed,
Cleaning oceans you filled,
Building up women you beat down,
Taking back rights.
I’ll fight for love (the freedom to choose)
May it always win
Controlling others is the only sin.



a.l.c

***The future is… Freedom, Love, Female, Vibrant, Unconditional, Choice, Open Minded, Accepting, Green, Without Violence, Now, WHATEVER YOU WANT.


			

The old oak

I still ache at thoughts
Kept to myself,
How the longing of
Connection
Makes me feel
L o n e l y.


a.l.c

Hidden fruit

A blue apricot sits ripe,
Among bananas, next to the lime,
Feeling over looked, just this time.
And maybe tomorrow,
Perhaps breakfast would be fine,
It will finally be noticed
And then it will die.


a.l.c

**Apricots are brightly colored and I don’t think anyone would usually think of an apricot as a representation of something timid, sad, or feeling down at all. I used a blue apricot(not moldy🙄🤦‍♀️) to represent outside vs inside of human emotion, feeling we are different than others and our need and desire to be amongst others and to be accepted there. “…and then it will die,” I was thinking of how we often desire to be accepted, but then we lose ourself to have that.

Psychogenic Aphonia🧠😶

A build up of courage
I worked hard to grow,
On the tip of my tongue,
As far as my words go.
This silence is boring now
With all of this sound…
I feel disconnected
As I see you frown.
I promise I’m trying,
Behind cowards lips,
I have so much to say
With silent fingertips.
A throat full of chaos
Only wanting to be shared,
A heart with happy secrets
I want to say but I’m scared.
I think you might listen,
If only I could talk,
Then we could have a conversation,
Instead of quiet thoughts.



a.l.c

*
**
***Psychogenic Aphonia is only being used as a title for this piece. While it fits perfectly for the emotion I meant to convey, it is an actual voice disorder… an interesting one that I found myself suddenly researching for no other reason than curiosity🧐. Psychogenic aphonia is a voice disorder where psychological/emotional factors or difficulties (anxiety, depression, fear, traumatic events, not “speaking up,” etc.) cause sudden and significant negative changes in voice quality(dysphonia), and can even extend to complete voice loss (aphonia). I read that on the internet💁‍♀️ (https://web.nmsu.edu/~lleeper/pages/Voice/nelson/information.html) <—one of the pages I stumbled on that was easier to understand.

Dark days

Time passes before being noticed,
Only ordinary days come and go.
I feel sorry every sunrise
And hopeful every sundown.

Reaching for past things,
Not much matters
Now.

a.l.c

**I often find myself waking up and not doing the things I had said I would do the night before… the simple act of “not” doing things that can sometimes darken the whole day. Lucky us when we get to try again the next day.🌅🌄

IG-pouringtruth

King and Queen in recluse

Again, I am left breathing stiff air…
Almost alone, warm sets on the horizon,
Another day turns dark from mourning.
How easily each day slips by me,
Falling away, betrayal at best.
I weep for light that has gone dim,
A star up in the night,
The last flicker before shut eye,
My heart beats with thunders roar…
I, the one thrown in the lions den,
Find a new strength with solace.
Both of us now majestic beasts,
Hermits cast out by feared notability.
I weave us two crowns.

a.l.c

One day

Another color, just another thought
Lost upon a blank sheet,
I paint without words,
Creating a lost masterpiece.
I dream of galleries
And my books in libraries
But…
I dream, only dreams
Behind shy realities.

a.l.c

Grayscale

Easy it is to write it in white,
Soothing to read,
A positive ray of light.
But you over look the truth,
When you refuse to accept
The dark and the shadows
And the black of the night.

Now here we sit,
Me and my blue,
Next to you and your yellow lies.
But it’s all laid out in front of us,
So clearly in black and white.

a.l.c

**There is always black and white, light and dark in everything. I believe it’s important to be able to see all sides in everything, without judgment. We search for light and happiness and we run away from things that make us feel any less because we have already decided feeling any other way is unacceptable and uncomfortable. For many, it’s easy to embrace the light and difficult to look in the shadows, often denying its existence for our own comfort. This makes us miss out on experiencing all the parts of our spiritual human experience. We miss out on connections with others because we are unable to truly understand them when we refuse to see through their eyes. Don’t be afraid to see all sides, don’t be afraid to feel.

Voiceless

I worry these words will fail me,
As feeling mute becomes familiar.
I bite my tongue more than not,
Only to hold on to every thought.
How vaguely, dense words become
When left to sit turning stale,
Thought to fade out
The way night dims from day.
Stories in my throat
Speak up into my brain,
Where I shove all my secrets
And stupid shit I never say.

a.l.c

Repression

Alone again, I find myself
With thoughts I’m shy to say.
I am weakened by fantasies of us
And my body whines and begs.
Why am I embarrassed,
Cursed with woman shame??
I’m the only one that knows
When my mind plays this game.
Still I turn red to think the words
My lips burn hot to say,
So I am wounded by unmet needs,
Bruised, heavy with body’s heartbreak.

a.l.c

***All creatures are born as sexual beings, it is only societal shame that makes us think it is not normal, not acceptable. This is especially true for women as most have been taught/told from a young age even how to sit “appropriately”, while boys get to sit however. (Though there is sexual shame surrounding men/masculinity as well.) From a young age we watch our own mothers, grandmothers, aunts, teachers go about their lives worrying how their actions and behaviors might “tease” men or be judged as “wrong” by other women. If we want to be seen/treated as equal, it needs to be in all areas… including ones that are difficult, embarrassing, or considered taboo to talk about. Desire and sexuality are only human, in men and women.

Eve

I will hold space for you,
In my heart,
In my womb.
Another petal bruised
Affects my garden too.
So many colors,
So many shapes,
The masterpiece of woman.
Who would hurt something
So delicate, so welcoming,
So…soft with the need to love,
Heavy with desire to be loved?

I will hold space for you,
We can stand tall together.
Welcome the wind now,
I will catch you if you fall.

a.l.c

(IG-pouringtruth)

Love poem (to myself)

I am not afraid
Of your heated, frosty bite
Or your icy, hot moods,
I embrace you always.

I am not afraid
When you turn away
Your eyes from mine,
I still hold your heart.

I am not afraid
Of your ‘weak’ spots
Or your ‘darker’ sides,
I want your vulnerability.

I am not afraid
Of what you keep inside
Or the thoughts you think,
I am not afraid to love you.

a.l.c